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I signed-up to coach my 3-year-old's soccer team this fall and she's had a very difficult time with this. While she's very social, she does not have siblings, and has never really had to compete for my attention. She keeps saying
First of all, you being sensitive to your child’s response to you coaching her team shows great sensitivity, so that is a great place to start from. Change is hard for young children (well all of us really, but young children often express the most distress with changes!) and her having to ‘share’ her mother with a whole team of other 3 year olds. Understanding her resistance to this is important. Children use behavior as a mode of communication, so in saying this, what is she really asking for? Sounds like time and attention from you.
A few options here: as the coach's kid - she can help you prep for the practice/game, she can help you decide (through structured choices) the order of drills or strategies for practice, and she can help you demonstrate techniques for practice with the kids, etc. You can also use this time as special one on one time with her, in planning for her soccer practice and in celebrating her for good effort after. Another way is to enable her to have another important person or people (a co-parent, aunt, uncle, siblings, etc.) in her “cheering section” so that sharing you feels easier at the time.
Also, you note that her level of upset has diminished over time, and I would encourage you to be encouraged by that, change is hardest in the beginning and it sounds like you’ve done a good job of reassuring her with consistency in your schedule and approach and she is letting you know, through reducing her level of upset about it, that she is becoming more familiar with and OK with sharing you as a coach. Finally, kudos for coaching 3 year olds soccer! Embrace the fun, chaotic and joyful moments of it!
