Pronouns are words that refer to either the people talking (I or you) or someone or something that is being talked about (like she, he, it, them, and this). He, she, they, and ze are examples of pronouns that specifically refer to people who are being talked about. 

For the purpose of this discussion, we are talking about pronouns that do not directly correlate to the birth/assigned sex of a person. This could pertain to a gender-diverse person such as a transgender individual or a non-binary person. In this case, they may not always go by the pronouns that were assigned to them with their birth sex. This could mean that someone may ask you to use pronouns different from the ones you have used previously.  

Furthermore, you may meet someone who does not necessarily use what are typically considered masculine (he/his/him) or feminine (she/her/hers) pronouns. This means they may have pronouns such as xe/xem/xeir or ey/em/eir, which are gender-inclusive singular pronouns. There are many other gender-neutral pronouns. Many of them are listed on this website!

It is important to recognize that everyone uses pronouns when communicating, and using the correct pronouns can communicate respect. Using the wrong pronouns may be emotionally harmful, socially damaging, or oppressive to a person who identifies as trans or gender-diverse.

This can seem tricky if you are unsure of their gender identity or language/pronoun use. The best way to find out someone’s pronouns is to provide your own pronouns first. As a general habit, when you introduce yourself to anyone, try incorporating this into the conversations regardless of their gender identity. Being a better ally means changing your habits to create a safer world for LGBTQ+ people. 

Example: “Hello, my name is Sam. My pronouns are she, her, and hers.”

While not always OK, it is understandable that you may occasionally make a mistake with someone’s pronouns. If this happens, try not to draw a great deal of unnecessary attention to the person whom you misgendered.

If you catch yourself using the wrong pronoun, simply stop what you were saying, correct yourself, apologize to the person, and continue on with the conversation. If the person is not present and you use the wrong pronoun, it is still important that you stop and correct yourself. Remember, practice makes perfect, especially when it comes to learning gender-neutral pronouns.

If you hear someone else make a mistake, please correct them. Being an ally is an active role, and it is your responsibility to correct people when they make a mistake. Remember, we all make mistakes sometimes and no one is perfect, so try to correct the person in a respectful way while still making sure they understand the importance of using the right pronoun.